Happiness in old age

Which stage of life is the happiest? The answer may surprise you. We all know the stereotypes: carefree youth, vigor and success in middle age, and a lonely old age spent languishing in a nursing home. In fact, the research tells us, happiness follows a u-curve over the years: it rises when we’re young, drops during midlife, then begins to rise again around age 50, reaching its peak near the end of life. We seniors are the happiest people.

It seems counterintuitive, so what’s the explanation? First, that middle-age dip. Actually midlife is often the most stressful period of all, as people deal with building their careers, raising families, sometimes also looking after elderly parents. They’re often comparing themselves to their peers, measuring themselves against their ideals, and feeling stressed and dissatisfied if they don’t match up. Their assumptions about the things that were supposed to bring happiness – more money, bigger houses, promotions at work – turn out to be wrong.

So once we pass middle age and reach retirement, why do we feel happier, even if mental acuity and physical health decline? Many of us had jobs we didn’t enjoy, peers and coworkers we had to compete with, and bosses who made us miserable. In retirement, we can put all that stress behind us. Our children are grown. Now we have the gift of time, and more control over how we spend our time and whom we spend it with. We finally get to spend our days on activities we enjoy, and in the company of people we like. We no longer have to build a career or compete with anyone. Time becomes precious: we want to make the most of the years we have left. We reap the benefits of maturity: better control of our emotions, more comfort with ambiguity, deeper gratitude for whatever life offers. We can focus more on emotional goals that enhance our well-being. Now we’re more interested in enjoying life and the present moment. We relish the small pleasures of everyday life. We accept that life is fragile and loss is inevitable. We take life as it comes and savour what we can.

It’s interesting to learn that this has held true even through the pandemic. How can this be, when we seniors are at much higher risk of getting seriously ill or dying of Covid than the young? While all age groups are feeling heightened stress because of the pandemic, many of us seniors are in a privileged position: we don’t have to go to work, have pension income to live on, can have supplies delivered, hire help as needed, and don’t have small children underfoot. The beginning of the pandemic was brutal for seniors in long term care, but now it’s younger people who have been suffering, losing out on live schooling, jobs, sports, a normal social life. Their lives have been disrupted much more than ours. And they don’t have the emotional resources that we have spent our lives building. So let’s continue to take care of our own physical and mental health, be grateful for what we have survived, and if we can, extend our caring and compassion to the young people in our lives.