Elderspeak

The young delivery man smiled at me as he carried my groceries up to the porch. “Good morning, dear”, said he. Recognize that language? That’s elderspeak.

Dear. Good girl. Honey. Sweetie. Young lady. Using short, simple sentences. Speaking slowly. Speaking loudly. High-pitched voice. Singsong cadence. Substituting we for you, as in “Are we ready for our bath?” It’s basically baby talk directed at seniors.

You hear elderspeak in nursing homes and hospitals and home care settings where frail elders can be found, but also in places like banks and stores where seniors are functioning perfectly well. So it’s not our behaviour that triggers elderspeak: it’s just the same old, tired stereotype of the feeble, incompetent senior. People who speak this way are treating seniors as children. It’s demeaning and patronizing. For some, this may simply be learned behaviour; they think they are being kind. But for others, it’s a way of controlling and diminishing and setting themselves above us, putting us in our place. Studies show that seniors who are subjected to elderspeak often internalize the negative messages and start to doubt our own abilities. It can also make us less cooperative and more resistant to care.

If someone talks to us in elderspeak, how should we respond? It can be tempting to snap back (“I’m not your dear!”) and sometimes that may be what’s needed. But pause first and think it through. If you’re in a store doing a quick transaction and will probably never see the person again, it might be easiest just to let it go. You don’t have to create a learning experience every time. But if you need to maintain a healthy ongoing relationship with the person, try to find a simple, dignified, nonconfrontational way to set things straight (“I’m really not a young lady and I’m okay with that”, or “It makes me uncomfortable when you call me dear. Could you please just call me Jane?”). You don’t want to annoy the person too much, especially if he’s carrying your eggs.