Senior fashion faux pas

I should talk, I walk around in mom jeans and sweatshirts from men's wear. I don't really care much about people's fashion choices; they're a matter of personal taste. We seniors are mostly invisible anyway. What does bother me are those fashion choices that bump us out of obscurity for all the wrong reasons; the ones that turn us into caricatures of ourselves and serve us up as fodder for derision to the not-yet-old; especially the ones that scream deny, deny, deny.

The worst offenders:

• Decking yourself out in the latest fast fashion, with thin clingy fabrics and bright splashy colours, showing lots of skin. Unfortunately that's what the stores are full of, and the main alternative is Tan Jay (see below).
• Dyeing your hair red, unless you have the complexion to match. Stick with what suits you.
• Lots of big clunky jewellery. There's no dignity in looking like a Christmas tree. Keep it simple.
• Men's baldness overcompensation: comb-overs, or bald top and a ponytail. Take your inspiration from Peter Mansbridge or Patrick Stewart.
• Too much makeup, bright red lipstick, powder settling into your wrinkles. Update your supplies; ask for advice at the cosmetic counter.

Guilty with an explanation:

• Big buttons and Velcro. Arthritic fingers can't handle the small stuff.
• Dyeing your hair a uniform colour. The dye is too obvious at our age, but it's a lot of trouble and expense to bother with streaks and highlights.
• Sensible shoes. Can't fit the orthotics into anything else.
• Socks and sandals. The most comfortable choice if you have hammer toes.
• Top-to-bottom Tan Jay. Who else makes clothes for us?