Why ageism won’t go away

I went to the drugstore the other day to buy a birthday card, and it made me want to head straight over to the headache remedies. Card after card full of jokes about sagging body parts, leaky plumbing, failing memories, and being over the hill. They wouldn’t dare write like this about women or ethnic groups. But here we are in 2018, and ageism still gets a free pass. It’s everywhere: media, entertainment, fashion, cosmetics, public services, workplace, medical care, long term care, and among our own nearest and dearest. In this era of political correctness and righteous indignation, why can’t we put an end to ageism?

You don’t have to be a psychologist to recognize that much of it is fear. When we’re young, we don’t want to think about our own decline and death. That’s not going to happen to me! So younger people find ways to distance themselves from us seniors. They view us through negative stereotypes, patronize us, treat us as weak and needy, a burden on society, undeserving. We get that; after all, we used to be them. But they haven’t figured out that someday they’re going to be us.

Closer to home, ageism may take a different shape. Family members, especially adult children, may wonder aloud about our ability to look after ourselves, offering help we don’t need, planning our future without asking us what we want. Obviously, some of that is driven by their real concern for our welfare. But sometimes their real concern is for their own peace of mind. They might like to see us tucked away safely in care so that they don’t have to worry about us or help us out at home. And we don’t want to cause them worry, so we might end up going into care or living in their granny flat when that’s not what we really want.

Here’s an uncomfortable fact: sometimes the stereotype is true. Aging is a tough slog. Most of us will eventually experience chronic illness and physical decline. Some of us will suffer mental decline and dementia. When young people see us standing in a crowded subway car, how can they tell which of us is on his way to a ravine hike and which of us has severe arthritis and needs to sit down? When staff see us at Home Depot, how can they tell which of us is building her own deck and which of us can’t figure out what light bulb to buy? So they decide it’s safer to assume we need help.

I don’t think we can wipe out ageism, but as seniors we do have to deal with it. If you relish a good fight, by all means call out the ageists on their most egregious behaviour. Gently but firmly stand up for yourself with your family members, letting them know that you try to exercise good judgment in your life decisions, just like they do, and will call on them when you need help. Don’t fall into the stereotypes, not even when you’re with other seniors. Don’t call yourself an old codger, don’t label a moment of forgetfulness a senior moment, don’t buy anti-aging cream. But take the seat on the subway – you’ll make that young person’s day.