Down in the basement

Confession time: I've been lazy. I let things pile up. I would come home from a trip or special occasion with a fistful of souvenirs and promptly stash them in a pile in the basement, fully intending to sort them all out some day. The longer it all piled up, the more I avoided it. But now the waterproofers are coming, and suddenly I had to clean up the whole basement in four weeks. Easy enough to toss rusty old gardening tools and abandoned sewing projects, but then came all that sentimental stuff: mementos, keepsakes, ticket stubs, cards, letters (remember those?), postcards, trip diaries. There it was, the whole Pandora's box: relationships that have stood the test of time and relationships lost, paths taken and paths abandoned, miserable failures, hard-won successes, obstacles painstakingly overcome, obstacles still in the way, the pleasure of learning and growing, joyful celebrations, foolish missteps, inner conflicts, reality checks, and a long slow road to peace of mind.

I took some deep breaths and ditched most of it. I allowed myself just one large envelope for each decade, so if dementia sets in, I'll have a way to remind myself how I spent my life.

This was no way to do a life review, forty-five years of life events blazing through me in quick succession, an emotional roller coaster ride that left me feeling drained, disjointed, and oddly bereft. But I remember more now, and more vividly. I can separate the wheat from the chaff. I can look back with the advantage of hindsight and apply some perspective. There are plenty of great memories I can savour, some unfinished business I can work through now, and a bunch of old baggage I can just drop. It'll take a while, but I think I'm going to feel a whole lot lighter before long.